If you’re a man, particularly a straight man, how does it feel to be with a woman who doesn’t expect, maybe even doesn’t allow you, to do the masculine thing. The expected masculine thing.
And by “masculine thing” I mean:
- holding a door open
- carrying a package (heavy or otherwise)
- taking the open seat on the subway or bus
Were you able to do it? Were you able to allow (I use that word cautiously) the woman you were with to choose whether to carry, hold, or stand?
Many men I know talk about an intense uncomfortable feeling that comes over them when they are confronted with this. And, remember, this isn’t a decision like who should get the last place on the lifeboat while the Titanic is sinking–the stakes are fairly low here, but the anger is huge.
I write about this over at The Good Men Project in the provocatively titled The Little Ways We’re Sexist (And Why They Matter So Much).
Want to delve into this for yourself? Contact me to schedule a time to meet.
Justin Lioi, LCSW is a men’s mental health and relationship expert based in Brooklyn, NY (and online throughout New York State and internationally.) He received his degree from New York University and has been working in family and men’s counseling for over 10 years. Justin is on the Board of the National Association of Social Workers and writes a weekly column for the Good Men Project called Unmasking Masculinity. He can be found on local and national podcasts talking about assertiveness, anger, self-compassion, all with the goal of becoming the man you want to be.
Ready to talk about what’s holding you back, contact me for a free phone consultation.